I'm a Christian, and I love Jesus.

Jesus.

That's what the sign said in the window as I drove past the neighbors house. It's always been there. One of those tacky kelly green signs with white lettering. Why in the window? Why that sign?

But it stood out to me that day. It suddenly felt like a marking, saying, "This is to whom I belong. I am not ashamed. He owns this house, and I am proud." It is a sign that suddenly seemed to represent a beacon of light and a steady truth. Declaring, "This is his house. This is his block. This is his world."

I felt reassured in that moment.
Jesus is here.
He is a rock.

This week, my pastor mentioned how so many people don't like to call themselves Christians because the term has been mucked up. We don't want to be a part of the reputation. But he was saying, we should still use it. Because it's true. We should be the ones to redefine the word, to give it a new reputation.

I think some Christians are ashamed to bear the name. I say that because that is me. The world criticizes and I say, "What? You don't like me? I mean, I guess you're kind of right. You know, Christianity does seem kind of silly. But, it's really not that bad. I don't know, I mean, I'm not even really all that convinced myself. But, I think I am, you know? But I'm not weird or anything. I'm really just like you."

It was in that moment I realized the world needs a rock. He is the rock, and we are invited to be part of that with him. People wander, and eventually, I believe, get to a point where they need to find a rock, a light. They realize their need. And in that moment, they see God, standing there, firm and confident. Unmoving. He's always been there, waiting.

They need a Rock.
And He is here.
He resides in me,
confident and sure.
Waiting.

The Quiet Life

I've been so inspired lately. I've been dreaming giant dreams; moreso than I've even let on.

Tonight I sat at a local coffee shop listening to a guy playing guitar and a girl singing. I thought, it's so cool that there's a place where people can start out performing their music, as if it's practice for something greater. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't.

My imagination wondered back to times long ago, before all this technology, before the world was so interconnected. (Maybe not just long ago, but just to more remote, less developed places.) Were there always nationally famous musicians and things of the sort? Could fame spread so easily?

I caught myself in my own dreams. Do I dream to be famous? Do I dream to change the world? Why do I dream so much of having influence? For my own fame? Is that what it is?

What if dreaming big dreams only meant to use our gifts and passions to contribute to and inspire the community around us, the community we live in, and that was enough? What if it was quality over quantity, and never about our own glory? Why would I even think success necessarily equates with the amount of lives I influence? Because isn't influencing the community you live in alone enough?

I'm deciding to choose quality over quantity. I want to impact people more, rather than impact more people. I'm choosing to glorify God rather than myself.

I am just a miniscule speck in the universe. And that is okay. I'm letting the quiet life be enough.

I want my life to be great, but the tiny, quiet kind of great.

"...make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands...so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders..." 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12

Hide No More

On Sunday Marc brought up the topic of identity. One thing this reminded me of was the reason I dropped my art major. Yes, I just knew I didn't want to do it anymore, but also God showed me pride was keeping me there, and I had been clinging to the identity of an artist. Yet since I dropped my major I don't even consider myself an artist anymore.

Hold that thought, though. I'll come back to it.

In Ecuador, God showed me through someone else that I am a blessing just in being who He has created me. And last night, I was listening to the song Beautiful Things by Gungor with a couple friends. ("You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of us.") One friend reminded us that we are beautiful things.

And that is what God truly revealed to me today.
Through friends.
Through sharing my artistic side.
Through my shyness.

I am beautiful and afraid to show it. I'm afraid to let myself be it.

I am and always will be an artist. I will take up that name again. Not finding my identity in it, but knowing that I am an artist because He created me one. Not so that I could gain glory but to reflect His beauty. He created me an artist for that purpose. It is not my identity, but rather a quality permanently embedded in me by my Maker that I cannot deny.

No more hiding. To His glory.

Sufficiency

This thought came to mind a couple months ago and has stuck with me:

"God never promised our hearts wouldn't break, only that He would be enough to heal us, that He would be enough for us."

I'm still thinking about it.

I've been trying to let go of control and worry more in my relationships with people. Not too long ago I was holding back so much. I still do it a lot. It's okay and healthy to an extent, of course. But also... I decided to just make peace with the fact that I might get hurt. I probably will at some point, but other times I might not.

The reason I decided to just embrace this fact is because I decided to let God be my refuge. And now I'm thinking, What can mere people do to me?

Yes, it still hurts. Yes, I might still cry. But..

No one can take away the fact that I am loved. If I have God's complete love, what else do I need?

If I have everything I need in Him, who can take that away? No one. Nothing. Ever.

If my God is the God who takes away shame, I will always be able to stand, clothed in divine dignity. No one and nothing can take that away, not even myself.

I don't say these things as some sort of theory or lofty idea. I say these things knowing that they are reality I can rest in, that they are practical in my life, and prove true. Though, I am still trying to learn exactly what this means. I want to let God truly be my refuge. I want this to be my reality.

He is my firm foundation, my all in all. He is sufficient. He is enough.

“But when I am afraid,
    I will put my trust in you.
I praise God for what he has promised.
    I trust in God, so why should I be afraid?
    What can mere mortals do to me?
Don’t let them get away with their wickedness;
    in your anger, O God, bring them down.

You keep track of all my sorrows.
    You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
    You have recorded each one in your book.

My enemies will retreat when I call to you for help.
    This I know: God is on my side!
I praise God for what he has promised;
    yes, I praise the Lord for what he has promised.
I trust in God, so why should I be afraid?
    What can mere mortals do to me?”
Psalm 56

 “I offered my back to those who beat me
    and my cheeks to those who pulled out my beard.
I did not hide my face
    from mockery and spitting.
Because the Sovereign Lord helps me,
    I will not be disgraced.
Therefore, I have set my face like a stone,
    determined to do his will.
    And I know that I will not be put to shame.”
Isaiah 50:6-7


For God has said,

“I will never fail you.

I will never abandon you.”

So we can say with confidence,

“The Lord is my helper,

so I will have no fear.

What can mere people do to me?”
Hebrews 13:5-6

“In my distress I prayed to the Lord,

and the Lord answered me and set me free.

The Lord is for me, so I will have no fear.

What can mere people do to me?

Yes, the Lord is for me; he will help me.

I will look in triumph at those who hate me.

It is better to take refuge in the Lord

than to trust in people.”
Psalm 118:5-8

If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.
Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”) No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:31-39


But let all who take refuge in you be glad;
    let them ever sing for joy.
Spread your protection over them,
    that those who love your name may rejoice in you.
Psalm 5:11

Taste and see that the Lord is good;
    blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.
Fear the Lord, you his holy people,
    for those who fear him lack nothing.
Psalm 34:8-9

But I will sing of your strength,
    in the morning I will sing of your love;
for you are my fortress,
    my refuge in times of trouble.

You are my strength, I sing praise to you;
    you, God, are my fortress,
    my God on whom I can rely.
Psalm 59:16-17

My salvation and my honor depend on God;
    he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in him at all times, you people;
    pour out your hearts to him,
    for God is our refuge.
Psalm 62:7-8

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

Hope Floats

I was watching that movie with a friend last night. It's a movie with a lot of heartbreak in it. It starts off with a woman finding out her husband has been cheating on her with her best friend, so she leaves and moves back to the small town in Texas where she grew up, back into her mother's house.

I've already seen this movie before, and I don't know how much it bothered me then, but the way her mother acted frustrated me. She kept telling her not to mope, and one day she walks in the room, opens the curtains and tells her to get up 'cause it's a beautiful day. I can understand that she's trying to help her live healthy and encourage her to get through this, but it JUST happened. What went through my mind during this part of the movie was, "What are you doing?? If I were there--if I were you--I would leave the curtains closed, crawl into bed with her and hold her for a long, long time. So she knows it's okay to be sad right now, but that someone is there in the darkness with her." Eventually, when she was ready, I might gently lead her outside and into the sunlight, instead of barging in with abrasive cheerfulness.

I feel like people in general are really bad at this. They always feel the need to just fix other people's problems. It almost surprises me when people don't do that. Actually, not very long ago, I did talk to someone when I was really upset who just told me she loved me and told me what she thought. She didn't give me any easy answers or try to fix anything. She just prayed for me and told me I'd feel better after a nap.

People don't do that a lot. Especially Christians. We're the worst. We always have to counter what people say with some kind of happy-go-lucky truth. I think sometimes there is a place and time for speaking truth, and sometimes it is completely unnecessary and obnoxious. It's like they're trying to force you to be happy about the situation because there HAS to be something happy about it, without leaving room to just be sad.

I don't want to be like that. I want to be the kind of person who will meet you where you are and just hold you so you know you're not alone.

"I'm Not Afraid Of You."

I found this while rummaging through some old things last night. It's a story I wrote in 2nd grade, and I actually found it really inspiring.

Enjoy!

Love Doesn't Play By the Rules

When I was a kid my sisters and I would build huge forts out of chairs and sheets and then play cards in them. I think the card game we ended up playing the most was Oh Hell. It's similar to Hearts or Spades, and each round there is a different suit that is trump. That means when you play a trump card, it takes over, replacing the suit that was led. I think in life hearts is always trump because love trumps everything.

See, I'm starting to realize that love in its rawest form--the kind that comes from God--doesn't and can't fit into the mold society has for it. People's expectations and the norms of society are far too low because we are all pretty selfish and don't really love each other like God loves. But the love of God doesn't need to follow the rules because, hmm... I can't think of anything more important than loving people like God loves people. Nope, nothing. So I say, to hell with how society expects you to act--just love.

Remember this woman?

“Now one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, so he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.”

The Pharisee who has Jesus over thinks this is pretty inappropriate.

But Jesus ends up saying, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet.”

She loved him so much that nothing was going to get in the way of expressing that love. Jesus was okay with it. In fact, Jesus was unorthodox too. I mean, he broke the rules and talked to that Samaritan woman.

And when I read verses like this one:

"And God’s grace was so powerfully at work in them all that there were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned land or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to anyone who had need." Acts 4:33-35

I think that's really cool. I'm in awe, actually. But then I wonder why no one actually does that. Man, it would be weird if we did! Is that what's stopping us? Because it's so out of the norm?

People call me weird a lot, and I didn't like it. But you know what? I think I want to be weird. I want to be weird because of the way I love people. I don't want to be limited by the norm.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8