I'm a Sculpture not a Sculptor

I made a new blog.

I had to. My last one's title related to art and it made me sad.

Why would that make me sad? I just dropped my VisComm major. It all happened so fast.

I've wanted to be an artist since I was a kid. Even before I was in kindergarten I dreamed of inventing a color. I tried for 3 years until I realized I couldn't. In high school I took as many art classes as I could fit in because I knew I wanted to be a graphic designer. [intro, drawing, painting, advanced d&p, digital art, graphic design, commercial illus.]

But something happened to me while I was away because coming back into art has been a struggle for me. For the first time in my life I don't feel like an artist. I don't know why. I'm not inspired. I'm not motivated. I feel incompetent. My brain won't seem to work that way. I questioned it all of last semester more and more. My friends kept reminding me "but you love art!" So I found myself trying to get myself excited, trying to convince myself I loved it. It shouldn't be like that, should it?

Already this semester I was dreading my first assignment, and after having an old professor and a close friend suggest to me that day that I change my major I suddenly felt a hatred toward my major and an intense desire to switch. The next two days I dropped all three studio classes, canceled my order of art supplies and my subscription to an art magazine. There was really no going back. At least for this semester.

So I've found myself in a daze this week. I feel lost, confused, and sad. I didn't realize saying goodbye to art would be so hard for me.

This really exemplifies my life right now. Slowly, as I've settled back into Truman, things don't seem to make much sense anymore. I've found myself in a strange transition, in a spot in life where I'm not thriving. I don't understand myself or why I've changed so much, but the contrast is so obvious now that I've come back to an old place. I don't know where I'm going or where I'm supposed to be. I don't know why any of this is happening, but I suppose God knows what He is doing and is leading me to where I need to be. I know my motives for staying in art were wrong, and God is whittling me down even though it's painful. God has been and continues to mold me into a different person for purposes that have yet to unfold.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take." Proverbs 3:5-6